Valentine's is a tricky time. Even lovers with the best intentions can come up with the worst gifts. How can you know if you've selected a dud? If your Valentine's Day gift isn't feminine, isn't romantic, and/or suggests there's something that she could physically improve, bingo! You'll end up in the dog house rather than a love nest. Also, if the item has a plug, leave it in the store -- unless she's requested it. Now, if you're looking to break up with someone, these Valentine's Day ideas are ideal.
Her heart may burn for you, but you certainly don't want to give her heartburn on Valentine's Day. Keep the heat in the bedroom, not in her intestinal tract. This one of the worst food gifts imaginable.
One One-Way Plane Ticket to AnywhereThe point on Valentine's Day is to celebrate being a couple. One is the loneliest number when it comes to traveling. So unless you're already at the destination, intend for her to join you, and are planning on taking alternate transportation back home together, your one-way ticket is going to go nowhere in terms of romance. And why no return ticket? Can't afford that? Or is this a not-so-subtle way of saying "I want you to leave and not come back?"
Is she less than fastidious about grooming? When you're in a restaurant, do you focus more on the fur growing out of her nose than the look of love in her eyes? Squelch the impulse to gift her this Valentine's Day with a trimmer. Same goes for a razor, boar brush, and shaving cream. Better to simply pack the item with your own toiletries, leave it lying around on the bathroom sink, and claim it as yours if she asks.
If you're traveling some place gold together this February, a warm pair of gloves is a practical, although not very romantic Valentine's Day gift. But fingerless gloves? Unless she's a safecracker and needs constant access to the tools of her trade, figure that you'll get the big chill unless you cover her hands all the way.
Did February 14 just creep up on you, and you suddenly realize how uncool it would be to arrive at her doorstep empty-handed? Don't think a trip to the drugstore (even if it's to buy condoms and a lubricant) is going to get you out of a jam. There is nothing romantic to find in a pharmacy. But all is not lost: Up to the last minute, you can order a travel gift card
that truly will send her.
This is one of those deceptive Valentine's Day choices. She travels. She needs to wake up. What could be better than that? I can name at least three things: A call from you. A smartphone with a built-in alarm-clock. A call from the front desk. If she's a clockwatcher out of habit or necessity, put time on her hands and get her a cool watch. It's jewelry yet it's practical.
Widely accepted as a natural laxative to combat constipation, a gift of the purple plum in dried, stewed, liquid, or even cocktail form is likely to be met with a tight, painful smile. Don't do it.
Pet RodentAlthough there are some women who think mice are cute, some who kept gerbils or guinea pigs when they were girls, even some who have a bond with a pet rat, most women would not appreciate a valentine gift with a long, skinny tail.
Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers MembershipConcerned about her health -- or your ego? Three words come to mind with this gift: Don't. Go. There.
Trust me on this: A gift of lingerie is a gift for a man to enjoy and a woman to anguish over. She'll never look like a Victoria's Secret Angel — so why torture either of you with that fact?
While it may seem funny to you at the time, it won't be when she opens your gift with sweet anticipation. Same goes for chocolate covered... ants, Star Wars merchandise, and a necklace made of garlic. I refer you back to worst gift #8: Don't. Go. There.
Instead, visit the links below for gifts that will bring a hug, a kiss, and a smile.