So, Was It Worth It?
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The Ship: C+
Compared to most cruise liners sailing today, the Regal Empress is old. She was built in Scotland in 1953 as a sturdy transatlantic carrier and refurbished in the 1990s. Some lovely original woodwork remains. Indoor public spaces, such as the stairways, are wood-paneled and have high ceilings, providing a gracious feeling of openness. Deck furniture on this dowager is standard-issue, white plastic chairs and tables. Signage is somewhat confusing. It took me nearly three days to figure out the restaurant was one deck down from my cabin.
She was built in 1953 as a sturdy transatlantic ship.
The Cabin: C-
My husband and I booked a deluxe mini-suite. With a king-size bed, two long couches, two desks and a chair, and ample closet space, it was certainly the largest cabin I'd ever secured. That was the good news. The bad news: It was ugly. From the drop ceiling to the tired-looking industrial carpeting to the plastic laminate walls, it was a drab and depressing sight.
Underneath a faded, nautical-motif bedspread lay a squishy mattress. Abutting it was a thick floor-to-ceiling pole that my better half klonged himself on in the middle of the night. The cabin's thinly cushioned sofas sloped down to the floor. The lighting was fluorescent, except for one 60s-style lamp atop the boxy metal desk. The cabin was equipped with a phone and had a TV suspended from the ceiling that played old movies.
And compared the R2's pleasant, roomy bathroom, this one was primitive. There was no separation between the shower and the bathroom floor. In fact the bathroom floor was the shower floor. And this, I remind you, was a deluxe junior suite.
The inside cabin with upper and lower berths had all the charm of a maximum-security prison.
Our friend, who booked at the lowest rate, was assigned an inside cabin with upper and lower berths that had all the charm of a maximum-security prison. (Not appropriate for newlyweds, that's for sure.) Fortunately, since the ship was only half full, she was able to upgrade to a higher deck and a cabin that had a full-size bed and a window. With its fluorescent lighting and drab surroundings, this upgrade more resembled a minimum-security facility.
It gets better.
Really.
The Itinerary: B
Depart: New York City
1st Port: Newport, Rhode Island
2nd Port: Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada
3rd Port: Portland, Maine
4th Port: Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts
Return: New York City
The shipped called at each destination early enough to give passengers a reasonable amount of time to explore or tour in a day. Note: In the shallow waters around Newport and Martha's Vineyard, we were required to board a tender (smaller) ship to take us to shore, which did delay things. Passengers who booked tours were first to go ashore.
Newport was a glorious first stop. The tourism office is a short walk from shore, and from there you can join any number of tours or hoof it into town and explore this seaside destination by yourselves. If you only have a few hours to spend, visit the "cottages" of America's robber barons along Bellevue Avenue.
St. John was such a waste of time that I couldn't understand why it was chosen over, say, Halifax. We made the mistake of signing up for the city tour ($17 per person), and ended up trapped for 2+ hours inside a bus. There we were regaled with such fascinating facts as St. John was the home of long-dead actor Walter Pidgeon.
We were driven to Fort Howe and Reversing Falls, a natural phenomenon in the Bay of Fundy. Since the falls only reverse at certain times of the day, you have to hit it right. We didn't, needless to say. A paper processing plant overlooks the falls. The awful smell it emits prevents anyone from wanting to spend time there. By the end of the tour, my unappealing cabin was looking a lot better.
Portland offered fresh lobster and the best steamed clams I'd ever tasted. Close to the waterfront are numerous restaurants shops with a great variety of crafts, clothing, pottery, jewelry, and more. We picked up a bus right at the ship terminal that circled the commercial area, allowed for frequent stops, and later returned us to the terminal, all for $3.
Martha's Vineyard was somewhat disappointing, as we tendered to the smaller Oak Bluffs, rather than Edgartown. Oak Bluffs featured typical tourist shops and ice cream vendors. Taxis and buses were available for those who wanted to visit other parts of the island. Also, motorcycles could be rented.
The Entertainment: C
While at sea, silly games, trivia contests, and bingo took place. In the evening there was musical entertainment (I'll do a lot of things to go after a story, but sitting through a cruise show isn't one of them. Therefore, I can't evaluate this.) The casino also opened at night. Like all casinos at sea, it's to be avoided as odds are strongly in the house's favor. Surrounded by unskilled gamers, yours truly lost at blackjack while my better half indulged in the original sucker bet, slot machines. There are also several bars, including the Mermaid, complete with a mirrored ceiling ball evoking Dallas disco life, circa 1970.
As in all casinos at sea,
the odds were strongly in the house's favor.
Better to bring a book (there is a wood-paneled library for those whose tastes run to old Reader's Digest condensed books), enjoy the sunset over the water, and retire early.
The Service: A
The international staff works hard and is generally helpful and professional. While the front-desk personnel were not nearly as sharp as at a good hotel, our cabin steward, Angel, was especially warm and friendly. And the dining room staff seemed to never stop working. Bus boys and waiters were constantly scraping, polishing, setting tables, carrying tubs of silverware back and forth to the galley, unfurling and folding tablecloths, shining glasses, removing plates, filling and refilling water and coffee, and making certain we were happy with our meals.
On the first night, the wait staff was forced to march through the dining room carrying oversized tableware and faux foodstuffs while "Be Our Guest" blared over a loudspeaker. I thought this captive entertainment was demeaning to the staff and an intrusion on the passengers.
The Food - A-
The quality of the food was impressive on this ship, superior to both Renaissance and Princess. Things got off to a great start at our first dinner, where we were presented with a complimentary serving of polenta in tomato sauce with pignoli nuts. In the dining room, meals were served fast and hot. And guests can order as many items as they like. Breakfasts were a disappointment, though, with watery juices and wan smoked salmon. (Although the fresh donuts on deck looked awfully good.)
The kitschy gala buffet featured a quartet of cornish game hens, with hard-boiled eggs for heads, playing instruments made from vegetables.
Food is available most of the day, and if you get hungry you can snack at the outdoor Trattoria, which features cheeses, fruits, salads, and even has a self-serve ice-cream machine. At the midnight buffets (actually 11 pm), the chefs go all out. The kitschy gala buffet featured huge ice sculptures, faces carved into watermelons, and a quartet of cornish game hens with hard-boiled eggs for heads playing instruments made from vegetables.
The Passengers
Passengers were a mix, ranging from newborns to oldsters. There were 30something couples, some families with children, but mainly young retirees. Most hailed from outside of major population centers, and they appeared to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.
The Verdict
If you want to get away for a few days, eat well, and spend little, this is be a great deal. But if you care about the aesthetics and comfort of your surroundings, and appreciate sophisticated on-board offerings, choose another, more upscale cruise line.
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