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Funny Quotes about Love

Quotations on the funny, lighter side of love.

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Young couple walking on beach smiling
Eternity in an Instant/The Image Bank/Getty Images

"A light heart lives long." - William Shakespeare

"Never go to bed mad -- stay up and fight." - Phyllis Diller

"To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia." - H.L. Mencken

"Once you have loved someone, you'd do anything in the world for them... except love them again." - Anonymous

"Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end." - Anonymous

"Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion." - Mirabeau

"Three things can't be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love." - Yiddish proverb

"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed." - Chamfort

From Moonstruck:

I.
Rose: Do you love him, Loretta?
Loretta Castorini: No.
Rose: Good. When you love them they drive you crazy because they know they can.

II.
Rose: Do you love him, Loretta?
Loretta Castorini: Aw, ma, I love him awful.
Rose: Oh, God, that's too bad.

"I detest 'love lyrics.' I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on 'love lyrics." - Frank Zappa

"You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap." - Dolly Parton

"I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

"A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did." - Edgar Watson Howe

"I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's eighth husband on her wedding night: I know what I'm supposed to do...I just have to figure out a way to make it interesting." - many attributions

"No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying." - unknown

"An old man who marries a young wife grows younger - but she grows older." - folk saying

"It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced." - Anonymous

"What female heart can despise gold?" - Thomas Gray

"A lady of 47 who has been married 27 years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: 'Love is what you've been through with somebody.'" - James Thurber

"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner

"The people people have for friends
Your common sense appall
But the people people marry
Are the queerest folk of all."
- Charlotte Perkins Gilman

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away." - Dorothy Parker

"Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for." - Mae West

"The body, she says, is subject to the forces of gravity. But the soul is ruled by levity, pure." - Saul Bellow

"It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses." - Mrs. Patrick Campbell

"A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it." - Don Fraser

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" - unknown

"There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged." - Anonymous (and with good reason)

"Women like me because I make them laugh. And what is an orgasm, except laughter of the loins?" - Mickey Rooney

"There will be sex after death, we just won't be able to feel it." - Lily Tomlin

"A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting." - Helen Rowland

"Don't threaten me with love, Baby. Let's just go walking in the rain." - Billie Holiday

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania."
- Dorothy Parker

"Marriage is a fine institution - but I'm not ready for an institution." - Mae West

"My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there." - Carrie Fisher

"My wife and I have sex almost every day of the week," Milton Berle once said. "Yes, almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday."

"If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years." - Jay Leno

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down." - Woody Allen, Love and Death

"To laugh often and love much... to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one's self... this is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We cannot really love anybody without whom we never laugh." - Alice Reppler

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